Thursday, February 23, 2012

50 Movie Spoilers of 2011 Script

Since we talk so fast!

Hi we’re the fine brothers

And consider yourselves warned

We’re about to spoil 50 movies from 2012

Starting with this years nominees for best picture at the academy awards

In one take

In under X minutes

Starting now

1. The Artist – George and Peppy’s dance routine allows George to have a comeback in talkies, when he finally speaks, we hear he has a thick accent. 

2. Moneyball: The Twins defeats the A’s in the A.L.D.S.

3. The Help: Aibeleen is fired by Elizabeth after falsely being accused of stealing and Skeeter pursues her writing career.  

4. Midnight in Paris: Gil and Inez don’t end up together.  Once again, thank god for Woody Allen

5. War Horse – Albert rides Joey back to his family’s farm and returns the pennant to his fathr

6. Extremely close – Oskar’s mom called ahead to the people he went to visit and he finds a note from his father who died in 9/11 revealing he conquered his fear of riding a swing. 

7. Hugo – The children reconnect Georges with his past and a new generation comes to appreciate his work.

8. Decendnts – Matt makes peace with his dying wife for cheating on him and she is taken off life support. 

9. Tree of Life – This movie had everything from the universe beginning to dinosaurs to pretentious statements on society to the earth being incinerated by the sun.  It’s too complex to spoil. 

10. Transformers: Sam blows up Starscream and obliterates the space bridge, destroying Cybertron in the process. Optimus defeats Sentinel and Megatron.

11. Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Edward turns Bella into a vampire. 

12. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo: Martin is a serial killer and Harriet is alive.  Then the movie goes on for far too long showing Lisbeth stealing money and not ending up with Mikael.  

13. Hangover 2: The guys find Teddy, Stu marries Lauren with her father’s blessing and Mike Tyson sings!

14. Bridesmaids:  Annie reconciles with Lillian and serves as her maid of honor.  And Annie and Roy from the IT Crowd end up together! 

15. Just Go With It: Kathryn and Danny end up together!

16. Zookeeper: Griffin and Kate end up together!

17. Jack & Jill: Jill and Felipe end up together!

18. No Strings Attached: Adam and Emma start a real relationship.

19. Friends with Benefits: Dylan and Jamie start a real relationship. Why the hell are there remakes! That wasn’t a remake it was just pretty much the same movie done in the same year.

20. The Muppets: Oh, anyways, The Muppets get their theater and studio back!

21. Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family: Cora learns that Leroy is not her father after taking a paternity test on “Maury.”

22. New Year’s Eve: Paul and Ingrid kiss.  Jensen reconciles with Laura.  Elise fills in for Jensen and kisses Randy. Even though Griffin and Tess have their baby before James and Grace, they give up the bonus because James and Grace have three children. Hailey ends up Times Square and kisses Seth. Sam discovers that Kim was the mystery woman from last New Year.  We all die a little inside from these unrealistic romance movies.   

23. Green Lantern: Hal defeats Parallax, returns to Earth, and hooks up with Carol, triggering his divorce from Scarlet Johansson.  

24. Captain America: Captain America defeats the Red Skull and crashes into a Glacier.  He awakens 70 years later under the supervision of Nick Fury, and soon will join the Avengers. 

25. Thor: Loki is thwarted by Thor who destroys the bridge making him unable to return to earth but an appearance by Nick Fury shows Loki is back and soon will join the Avengers!

26. The Green Hornet: The Green Hornet and Kato avenge the murder of the Green Hornet’s father.

27. X Men: First Class – The X-men help prevent the Cuban missle crisis, while Magneto turns from his friends and accidentally had a part in paralyzing Professor X

28. Puss in Boots: Puss saves the town!  

29. Cowboys & Aliens: Jake, The Colonel, and Ella defeat the aliens and save the town!  

30. Drive: The Driver rides off into the sunset, his fate unknown.  

31. Fast Five: Brian and Dom drive off with the money

32. Dolphin Tale: Winter is given a gel which allows him to swim comfortably with his prosthetic tail.  And the hospital saved!  

33. Hop: E.Band Fred are named co-Easter Bunnies and Easter is saved!

34. The Smurfs:  Papa Smurf is rescued and Gargamel is hit by a bus.  

35. Alvin and the Chimpmunks: Chipwrecked: The chipmunks escape the volcano and arrive in time to perform at the International Music Awards. DUH 

36. Tower Heist: The tower is heisted.  DUH.

37. Rise of the Planet of the Apes: Caesar learns to talk and leads an ape rebellion while the virus spreads throughout the human population, paving the way for the apes to take over the planet.  

38. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never: Bieber fever spreads throughout the human population, paving the way for the apes to take over the planet.  I mean, we see how Bieber rose to game. 

39. Contagion:  A vaccine is developed and Alan is revealed to be a fraud.  

40. Paranormal Activity 3: Daniel discovers that the women are all witches and is killed by Lois.  

41. Bad Teacher: Elizabeth becomes the school’s guidance counselor and starts dating Russell.    

42. Real Steel: Zeus defeats Atom but Atom is declared “the people’s champion”

43. 50/50: Adam defeats cancer and starts dating Katie

44. Battle: Los Angeles: Nantz and his squad cause the aliens to flee the Earth.   

45. Super 8: The creature which had been ransacking the town for spare parts, rebuilds its spaceship and flies home.  

46. Immortals: Theseus and Hyperion kill each other but Theseus is resurrected as a god.

47. Tintin:  Tintin and The Captain discover Sir Francis’ hat which is filled with treasure.  They then find a scroll which reveals the location of the next treasure.   

48. Sherlock Holmes 2: Holmes defeats Moriarty but Holmes is believed to be dead, until Watson receives a package containing the breathing device that Holmes used to stay alive.  

49. Mission Impossible – Julia’s death was staged, and Brandt stays on and the team head off to their next mission.  

50. Harry Potter: Deathly Hallows 2: And finally – Harry kills Voldemort.. And more people die including Tonks, Lupin, Snape, Bellatrix, and Fred Weasley.  Also Harry and Ginny end up together and Ron and Hermione end up together… 

and they have kids! –

Didn’t we spoil this already? Yes, but that was in the BOOK spoilers, this was the MOVIE spoilers.